


#kuroko no crack

by DestinyMoonFire, Joyous_Golden_Flower



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, More characters to be added, Roasts, akashi the roastking™, chat fic, kuroko the savage™
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 08:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10081904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyMoonFire/pseuds/DestinyMoonFire, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyous_Golden_Flower/pseuds/Joyous_Golden_Flower
Summary: A cracky group chat fic filled with roasting, memes, and (probably) gayness.(and probs lots of cringe as well)





	

**Author's Note:**

> **Yo. I’ve been reading too many of these things lately. Thank ChaosTwinofDestruction.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ****  
> _Lol ur welcome._  
>     
>  **This is the result of two fangirls working together: absolute crack.**
> 
> ****  
> _Yup. Be prepared._  
>     
>  **Lol enjoy**
> 
> (A/N: There's probably a lot of formatting errors cuz AO3 is being a bitch today sry)

**Kuroko11:** Hello everyone.

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** kuroko wat the hell

 

**Kuroko11:** Do you like my little idea, Kagami-kun?

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** first of all why am i in a group chat with all these random people?

 

**Kuroko11:** They are not random people, Kagami-kun. How rude.

 

**Kuroko11:** And what’s second of all?

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** UR PERFECT GRAMMAR IS CREEPING ME OUT

 

**Kuroko11:** ...Oh.

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** ok but seriously who are these people u put in the chat

 

**Kuroko11:** You will find out soon enough, Kagami-kun.

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** STOP IT WITH THE PERFECT GRAMMER

 

**Kuroko11:** *GRAMMAR

 

_SlamDunkaTron has removed himself from the chat._

_Kuroko11 added SlamDunkaTron to the chat._

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** fuck u

 

_6:08 PM_

 

**PerfCopy:** kurokocchi!!!

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** FUCK

 

**PerfCopy:** kagamicchi!!!

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** GO FUCK URSELF KISE

 

**PerfCopy:** \\(⩾ロ⩽)/

 

**PerfCopy:** so mean, kagamicchi!!!

 

**Kuroko11:** Kagami-kun, you are really mean.

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** again with the gramamr

 

**Kuroko11:** *grammar

 

**Kuroko11:** And Kise-kun, stop being so hyper. It’s hurting the chat.

 

**PerfCopy:** so mean Kurokocchi!! \\(⩾ロ⩽)/

 

**Oresama:** tetsu why did u put me in a chat with these idiots

 

**Kuroko11:** Because it would be funny.

 

**Kuroko11:** I need my daily laughs, too.

 

**SlamDunkaTron:** since when do u ever laugh jfc u are as expressionless as a brick

 

**Kuroko11:** I’m a pretty fabulous brick, if you put it like that, Kagami-kun.

 

**Kuroko11:** And I do it whenever you people aren’t around, that’s for sure.

 

_Oresama changed SlamDunkaTron’s name to Bakagami_

 

**Bakagami:** WTF HOW DID YOU DO THAT AOMINE

 

**Oresama:** ur name was too long kagami, it was pissing me off

 

**Bakagami:** WTF

 

**Kuroko11:** I think it suits you, Bakagami-kun.

 

**PerfCopy:** GET ROASTEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ᕙ( >ഌ

 

**PerfCopy:** wait

 

**PerfCopy:** if u guys are here then where is midorimacchi, murasakibaracchi and akashicchi?

 

**Bakagami:** they probably have better things to do than be on this

 

**Kuroko11:** Bakagami-kun, are you implying you have no life?

 

**Bakagami:** STOP IT WITH THE BAKAGAMI HOW DO I CHANGE IT BACK

 

**Kuroko11:** You can’t.

 

**Bakagami:** and if i don’t have a life, then u don’t either!

 

**Kuroko11:** ew no i don’t want to be clumped together with u kagami-kun wtf get away from me

 

_Kuroko11 has left the chat_

 

**Oresama:** that’s amazing

 

**Oresama:** kagami u managed to break kuroko LMAO

 

**Bakagami:** i’m going over to his house and breaking in

 

**Bakagami:** if there’s a report of homocide tonight, u guys never heard anything

 

**Bakagami:** brb

 

_Bakagami has left the chat_

 

**PerfCopy:** homocide

 

**PerfCopy:** kagamicchi is trying to steal my kurokocchi!

 

**Oresama:** wut

 

**PerfCopy:** oh! it’s just me and aominecchi now! (づꗞ▾ꗞ)づ

 

**Oresama:** shit

 

_Oresama has left the chat_

 

**PerfCopy:** so mean!!!

 

 

_8:32 PM_

 

**AkashiSeijuro:** What is the meaning of this, Kuroko?

 

**Kuroko11:** Ah, hello Akashi-kun.

 

**Kuroko11:** And as for the meaning of this chat…

 

**Kuroko11:** I thought it would be funny to force rivals to talk to each other.

 

**AkashiSeijuro:** You never cease to amaze me, Kuroko.

 

**Kuroko11:** I try.

 

**Bakagami:** kuroko i need ur addres

 

**Kuroko11:** *address

 

**Kuroko11:** Will you ever fix your spelling or will I always have to do it for you?

 

**Bakagami:** I DONT NEED U TO DO THAT YA LITTLE SHIT

 

**Bakagami:** I NEED TO KNOW WHERE U LIVE SO I CAN KILL U

 

**AkashiSeijuro:** And they say _I’m_ a stalker….

 

**Kuroko11:** I don’t think Akashi-kun is so much a stalker as a psychopath.

 

**AkashiSeijuro:** You wound me.

 

**Kuroko11:** I try.

 

**Kuroko11:** Actually…

 

_Kuroko11 changed AkashiSeijuro’s name to AbsoluteBitch_

 

**Kuroko11:** I think this suits you better, Akashi-kun.

 

**Oresama:** OMFG TETSU U ARE SO DEAD LMFAO

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Taiga I think I will assist you in murdering Tetsuya here.

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Hand over your address Tetsuya.

 

**Kuroko11:** If you really want to kill me, then you can beat Seirin at InterHigh.

 

**Kuroko11:** That is…

 

**Kuroko11:** If you can.

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** It’s on, bitch.

 

**Oresama:** HOLY SHIT AKASHI JUST USED A CURSE WORD

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** …

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Is that so platonically devastating?

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** I, too, am a pubescent teenage boy with a hormone deranged brain just like the rest of you.

 

**Bakagami:** ok seriously WHY DO U AND KRUOKO USE PERFECT GRAMMAR ITS CREEPING ME OUT

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Because we have half the brain to do so.

 

**Kuroko11:** Maybe I should have changed your name to RoastKing, Akashi-kun.

 

**Oresama:** why are all the shotas so salty all of a sudden

 

_AbsoluteBitch changed Oresama’s name to Gangurokurosuke_

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** WTF. W. T. F.

 

**Bakagami:** OMFG AKASHIT HAT’S HILARIOUS LMFAO

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** …

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Kagami, say your prayers

 

**Bakagami:** SHIT NO

 

_Bakagami has left the chat_

 

_AbsoluteBitch has left the chat_

 

**Kuroko11:** Seems like I’ll be needing a new light.

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** ୨⚆ヮ⚆୧

 

**Kuroko11:** Fuck off, you had your chance.

 

_Kuroko11 has left the chat_

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** i swear i could fill a salt shaker with this chat and midorima’s not even here

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** Say your prayers, Aomine.

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** shIT

 

_7:09 AM_

 

**PerfCopy:** seems like everyone’s been on at least once!

 

**PerfCopy:** i’m sad i missed last night T_T i wanted to talk to midorimacchi!!

 

**PerfCopy:** o wait where’s murasakibaracchi

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** WHAt thE heLL KIse wHY ARE U awaKE NOW

 

 

_4:42 PM_

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** lol kagami r u still alive

 

**Kuroko11:** Yes, Kagami-kun is still alive.

 

**Kuroko11:** Sadly enough.

 

**Bakagami:** y r u so savage in chats

 

**Kuroko11:** Because I’m a fabulous brick.

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** Kuroko, what is the meaning of this chat

 

**Kuroko11:** I believe Akashi-kun can tell you.

 

**Kuroko11:** Or stop being lazy and scroll up to read the previous messages.

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** I can’t believe i’m letting you put me in this foolishness

 

 

_MidorimaShintaro has removed himself from the chat_

 

 

_Kuroko11 has added MidorimaShintaro to the chat_

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** KUROKOOOOOOOOOO

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Hello Midorima. And I would advise to not go against Kuroko’s will.

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** He is surprisingly savage in the virtual world.

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** Akashi??? What happened to your username???

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Kuroko happened.

 

**Kuroko11:** *dabs

 

**Kuroko11:** Midorima-kun, if you want I can change your name too.

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** No

 

**MidorimaShintaro:** hOI!!!!!!!!!!!11!

 

**Bakagami:** wtf

 

**Kuroko11:** Hello, Takao-kun.

 

 

_MidorimaShintaro changed his name to TsunTsunChan_

 

**TsunTsunChan:** BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASFJLksakldfj

 

**TsunTsunChan:** TAKAOOOOOOO

 

 

_TsunTsunChan has left the chat_

 

**Kuroko11:** Hm. Looks like I didn’t need to change his name after all.

 

**Bakagami:** u were still going to do it???

 

**Kuroko11:** Of course.

 

**Ametsushi:** ara kuro-chin

 

**Bakagami:** jfc i don’t need this guy’s shit now

 

_Bakagami has left the chat_

 

**Ametsushi:** was that kaga-chin

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Hello, Murasakibara.

 

**Ametsushi:** aka-chin?

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Yes.

 

**Ametsushi:** wut happened to ur name

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Kuroko happened.

 

**Kuroko11:** *dabs again

 

**PerfCopy:** ah! Murasakibaracchi!!

 

**Ametsushi:** he? Kise-chin?

 

**PerfCopy:** how r u?

 

**Ametsushi:** on the way to buy candy

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** why am i not surprised

 

**Ametsushi:** mine-chin? wats up with that name

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** akashi was being a little shit

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** I try.

 

**Kuroko11:** I believe that is my line, Bitch-kun. :)

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Seriously, Kuroko. I hope you’ve made your will.

 

**Kuroko11:** Of course not. The only thing in my possession worth giving away is myself. \

 

**Kuroko11:** And no one I know is worthy enough for my body.

 

**PerfCopy:** I WANT KUROKOCCHI’S BODY

 

**Kuroko11:** Least of all Kise-kun.

 

**PerfCopy:** y is everyone so mean to me????

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** cuz ur the only one stupid enough to spout and do stupid shit

 

**PerfCopy:** SO MEAN!!! TT_TT

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** You’re one to talk, Aomine.

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Last I checked the only one to burn dry leaves and inhale the smoke and pretend they were high was you.

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** thAT WAS ONLY ONE TIME FUCK OFF

 

**Kuroko11:** My plan has worked perfectly.

 

**Kuroko11:** Everyone is free to go home now.

 

_Bakagami has joined the chat_

 

**Bakagami:** NOT SO FAST U SHIT

**Bakagami:** I WANT MY REVENGE FOR GOING THROUGH THIS HORRIBLENESS

 

_Bakagami changed Kuroko11’s name to VanillaJizz_

 

**Ametsushi:** ooh i want my name changed too kaga-chin

 

**VanillaJizz:** Trust me, Murasakibara-kun, you don’t.

 

**VanillaJizz:** My semen does not taste like vanilla, Kagami-kun. How does this name make any sense?

 

**Gangurokurosuke:** wtf how would u know what ur semen tastes like tetsu

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** It’s the 21st Century, I thought a lot of things weren’t possible.

 

**Ametsushi:** i still want my name changed. Muro-chin did it for me but i don’t know how to change it to something else

 

_TsunTsunChan has joined the chat_

 

**TsunTsunChan:** You can’t even figure something as simple as that out? How sad.

 

**VanillaJizz:** Then why don’t you change your name back?

 

**TsunTsunChan:** Obviously because I have been off until now.

 

_TsunTsunChan has changed their name to MidorimaShintaro_

 

**Bakagami:** wait how do you change your name?

 

**VanillaJizz:** You change my name but you don’t know to change your own?

 

**VanillaJizz:** Don’t change your name. It really suits you.

 

**Bakagami:** i’m gonna kill u

 

**AbsoluteBitch:** Get in line.

 

**VanillaJizz:** I’m too fabulous to kill.

 

**VanillaJizz:** Me and my vanilla flavored semen.

 

**Bakagami:** i’m done

 

_Bakagami has left the chat_

 

**VanillaJizz:** I don’t know why he’s so upset. He was the one who changed my name.


End file.
